Let me start by introducing myself, my name’s Clara I'm a 26 year old trans girl. I started transitioning at around the age of 24 in February 2015 and I have been on hormones since July 2016 and like many trans people I have suffered from anxiety and depression. I have been going out clubbing as a trans girl for two years to the many clubs and pubs in Southampton.
Clubbing for me before my transition was fairly boring; I would set out to do what the average guy would do on a night out which was to go out get drunk see how many girls I could potentially try to hook up with… and if I wasn’t doing this then I would usually end up drinking too much and either get into fights with other clubbers or go home and not know how I managed it.
Since transitioning I look back and realise what an idiot I was.
In February 2015 I had a friend’s birthday to go to, for the first time ever I went out as a female and that night was a pretty positive one. I shed the attitude of this ‘guy’ persona I had been living and set out to enjoy my night. At this point in time only around 3 people knew about my transition from the group so everyone else thought I'd just followed through on a bet I had with my friend. However, this was the night that changed my life and clubbing experience for the better, as I told everyone I worked with (while drunk) about my transition. Fast forward a week later when I went to an event with a good friend of mine and this experience wasn’t so positive; I got to the club with mixed reactions from door staff and management and spent about half an hour going from one person to the next for trying to gain the VIP I was entitled to so I could join my friend upstairs. The management were convinced I was ‘having a laugh’ until a staff member had a word with them and made them apologise.
The positives of clubbing since transitioning has been the incredible support from my friends while I've been out, knowing they would all help defend me from the abuse of less open-minded individuals. In around august 2015 I started to get longer hair and look more feminine so some of the comments stopped and I started gaining more confidence in the clubs, which made me want to talk to more and more people. Therefore, I started gaining a lot more friends and acquaintances. Also I realise now that the main reason the door staff took a double look at me was because my ID didn't match the girl stood before them. As the months went on and I started to look even more feminine I finally found myself to be able to go out and start meeting people without them realising I’m trans. Since starting hormone therapy and developing my own breasts I have been able to go out and have a good time without the worry of cruel comments or people getting into trouble because of the controversies that surround the LGBT communities.
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In a way, after experiencing all this I suppose I’ve got a lot thicker skinned and learned that there are many more nicer people out there than the narrow-minded ones.
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Some of the negatives I have experienced while going out clubbing include people taking the mick out of me for being trans, as well as people hitting on me solely due to the fact I'm trans and disappointingly not because of a physical or emotional attraction. (I’m sure a few trans girls can relate to this; these people are what's known in the trans community as trans chasers.) One time this happened was just after Christmas last year when a guy hit on me but after a while he found I was trans and immediately wanted me to go back to his hotel room to do ‘stuff’ - it got so creepy I had to ask security to remove him from the club. Another time this happened was only the other week when I was in a club and some guy wouldn’t leave me alone, invading my personal space and touching my inappropriately - it got to the point he was more or less sexually assaulting me.
I dealt with this by telling the guy I’m trans (this usually gets rid of them) however this particular guy didn’t really seem to care and carried on, luckily my brother was on the smoking terrace with me, and his friend distracted the perpetrator. After informing one of the door staff that this happened and that the guy was freaking me out they told me that if I saw the guy again they would make sure I got out the club and home safely.
As I said previously, during my earlier transition I suffered from depression and anxiety and used alcohol to get over it and help me try and ignore the thoughts that people were staring and talking about me… to the point where I have ended up in A&E several times. This was not a healthy way of coping with my insecurities. If I could go back in time I would say to myself, that there are other ways to deal with it rather than going out and getting myself absolutely trashed. For example I could have gone to the doctors and got anti-anxiety pills or asked friends I was out with to make sure I didn’t drink too much.
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Now, onto the subject of the toilets. When I first started clubbing as a woman I would use the men’s toilets however I would when possible avoid using the urinals and use the cubicle as I used to get some seriously weird looks walking into the men’s in a dress.
By about august or September 2015, with the club’s permission, I started to use the female toilets as most girls had informed me they were ok with this and it made me feel much safer from the prejudice I would experience in the men’s room.
Being so used to other venues allowing this, there was a club in town which did have a problem with me after a few girls complained. To the point where I got threatened with a ban if I carried on using them. I rectified this by sending an email to the manager explaining how uncomfortable and humiliating it was being forced to use the men’s or disabled toilets as a female, one I had explained myself they were much more accommodating.
If you’re wondering which clubs I would recommend for being trans-friendly and supportive of the trans community then I would definitely recommend 90 Degrees. This one gets my recommendation because all throughout my transition they have been really supportive from the management to the bar staff. The door staff often make fun of me but as they know me well it’s just banter.
My second recommendation would be Oceana purely because of how supportive the staff and customers are towards trans people. If you like a hassle free night then head on to Buddha as they are small and you can blend in with everyone else. To finish your night on a day Oceana isn’t open if you don’t mind asking about their toilet policy on the way in, then Café Parfait are probably the best.
To finish off, if you were to ask me whether I enjoy clubbing more as a female compared to when I was male then I would say, definitely. Girls generally tend to get better treatment from door staff and other clubbers, however it does get annoying being hit on all the time!
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Oh and lets not forget the pain from wearing high heels, so my final recommendation would be ALWAYS take flats to change into!